A letter to my 16-yr-old self

I’ve registered my blog on BlogHer yesterday and found out that there are a lot of wonderful articles there that are worth your while to read. One of the said articles I’ve read is this: Dear 13-year-old me: In 2011, You will be breathing fine. I found it so fun and entertaining that I started thinking that I should make myself a letter too, just for the fun of it. And so, this post, though completely original, was totally inspired by the said article.

By now, you would have thought that you have life figured out. You think that life is perfect and that this stage of your life would go on forever. By now, you’re probably excited to go to college and meet new friends, start a clean slate and all that. I guess that’s great too and I hope you would never loose that smile and optimism that your friends have come to love about you. But I am here to tell you of what’s in store for you 8years after. Remember how the grown ups used to ask you, how do you see yourself 10years from now? Well, here’s what you are 8years from 2003.

The friends you have now are the kind of friends who stay with you even after years had gone past. You would have gone through life’s most wonderful moments and heart break after heart break. They would be your strength and your shelter and to whom you run to when you feel like your world had come crashing down. They are the kind of friends who you could call at the wee hours in the morning and still worry about you without even thinking that you have bothered them or disturbed their sleep. They are the kind of friends who could still make you smile even if you have broken your heart a thousand times over. Those guy friends you have, don’t loose them too. They are those rare guy friends whom you could call in the middle of the day and say you’re in trouble and they’d gladly drop everything for you. And even after mistake after mistake, their opinion of you never changes. You would have your moments of no communications, there would be fewer talks, and less hanging out, but I can assure you, yours is the kind of friendship that only some are lucky enough to have.

Here’s the truth about the guy you’ve been crying your heart out: You are not in love with him, you never were. You were simply hurt and angry because you felt like you are not beautiful enough because he ceased all communications after seeing you. He was a jerk and thank God he was. If not for him, you wouldn’t have met the guy who taught you what love really is. You are beautiful and you are a wonderful girl inside and out. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel otherwise. And so, before your birthday, you would have met the most wonderful guy. Peace of advice: Don’t ever let him go, he’s a keeper! You would both have your ups and downs, and you would go through it together. Your relationship wouldn’t be perfect, but it’s the imperfections that keep your relationship strong. You would have made a lot of sacrifices for this man, and would have shed a lot of tears, and break your heart a lot but it is all worth it. You have found something rare, you would come to realize that in those moments of laughter, sweet moments, and comfortable silences.

By the time you enter college, you would have taken Computer Science. Yes, Computer Science- as if you’re great in Calculus and all that logic and discreet Math. You knew you should have taken BS Accountancy instead and knew that you would have performed better, but taking ComSci wasn’t an epic failure on your part. It was because you took this course that you met this crazy set of friends who taught you a lot of the things you should have learned in high school. Because of them, college was like high school part two. These crazy set of friends would make your college days more than bearable, and would keep you laughing till your belly aches. But even with their craziness, they are the kind of friends who never leaves you even after seeing the worst in you. They have seen you on your best and still with you after you’ve treated them like hell. Peace of advice: Don’t ever take them for granted. They are the kind of friends who would always remind you of who you really are, and keep your feet on the ground.

Oh and on your farewell party, don’t drink. You’d feel like hell in the morning.

And so, you have graduated college with an Information Management degree. Worked for one company after another and still do not know what you want to do with your life. You would be turning 24 this 2011, and yet, you do not have life figured out. But no worries; life is an adventure. Judging by the people in your life, and the things that has happened in those 8years, you have done well. And so, this 2011, keep moving forward, keep finding that one thing you’ve always wanted to do. You will be okay.

XOXO,

Your 23 and would-be 24 year old self

Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

Giving your heart to someone is like taking a leap of faith. Never would you be so vulnerable yet so strong in your entire life. It’s terrifying and exciting. You believe in everything that you and that someone stand for. You feel that as long as its you and him/her against the world, then you’d be able to conquer all. But what happens when that love fails, when love simply was not enough? Where do broken hearts go?

I have just realized that you could never make someone promise you or prove to you that they will never leave you; that their love would be for always. Because maybe at that time when you asked them to: they meant it in every way and that they believed in it too. But sometimes, there comes a time when what you had is forgotten because of the trials you both had gone through, promises doesn’t mean a thing anymore, and you’re left with nothing but memories and nothing solid to hold on to.

The thing about a heart breaking is that it feels like you’ve just been hit by a bus, dragged by a train, exploded with a bomb, and yet no one knows it, no one hears it but you. They might see the tears running down your cheeks, and hear your screams of pain, but they would never understand the deepest pain and deepest sorrow that only you could experience. You would wish to just rip out your heart, and toss it somewhere so that you could never feel that pain again, but sadly, you could never do that.

I would like to say, that time heals all wounds, and maybe it does. But there would always be scars, and you would never be the same again. You would never love the same and you would never trust the same. So where do broken hearts go? They go back to you, though broken and shattered, you could take the pieces back one by one. All you have to do is figure out where to start. But if you’re lucky, your broken heart goes back to the one you truly love. For if they are still willing to keep your heart, then they are the only once who could fix it almost as good as new… almost.

Thank God For Friends

My friends amaze me. They amaze me in more ways than one. They amaze me with their craziness, their temperaments, their loudness, and their complete understanding of me. They amaze me because despite seeing who I was, who I am, and who I might become, they make me feel that they would still and always be a part of my life. If I could tell them in anyway that I appreciate having them in my life, this would be the time.

I have always known that I’m not the best kind of friend. I cannot come to my friend’s rescue at their beck and call. I don’t spend as much time with them as I should; and at times I can’t even call them or send them a simple message. I also know that I’m the type of person that is not easy to like, and I’m even harder to love. But despite all these, my friends continue to be there for me. They make me feel that I would always be a part of their lives as they are in mine. My world may not revolve around them and I cannot halt my life for them, but I hope they know that if I could share at least a moment’s time with them, I would.

Friendship, for me, is such a magical relationship. For me, it’s the foundation of love. It gives you security and assurance that someone will always be there for you even if you stumble and fall. It gives you that warm feeling that even if you have turned your life upside down, if you have at least one true friend, then you would be all right. That’s how they make me feel. No matter what form they take: the grumpy, the jolly, the shoppaholic, the bookaholic, the brother, the encouragement, the loud one, the crazy one, or the sweet one, they will always be my kind of people and no matter who I become or what I do, they would not judge me. I will always be that same girl they met way back when. 

Dedicated to: Janeth, Czarlette, Sorah, Joni, Pipan, Tin, Mary, Anne, Kuya Mike, Pao, Rigel, and to my closest friends... ^_^